Daily Angelic Message for 9/12/12

While it’s true that humans are not meant to live in solitude and, therefore, flourish in supportive relationships, your most important relationship is the relationship you have with yourself.  For that is the foundation of all your other relationships, including your relationship with the Divine.  The more you love yourself, the more you can truly love the Divine and the other people who are in your world.

With infinite love and joy,
~The Angels~

Autistic But Not Unaware

For those of you who don’t know me, I have a 19 year old son who has a high functioning form of autism.  I’m also the author of a brand new book called, “The Little Book of Big Insights, Tips and Tricks for Living a Life of Joy, Abundance, and Ease”, which will be released on February 7, 2012.

Last night my son was paging through the book looking for sections he had the capacity to read.  It was pretty cool because we actually discussed a few of the tips and how he could apply them to his life.  At some point, he realized I had only one copy of the book and asked me if that was all I had.  I explained that even though it is my only copy, people can purchase it directly from Amazon.  I love his response:    “That’s good mom, because if this was all you had, you couldn’t help people and make make any money”.  Pretty insightful for a member of a population that many believe are unaware of their surroundings and  what’s happening in the world.  People inside the Autistic Community and out often forget that just because our kids appear to be unfocused, unaware, incognizant, they soak up huge amounts of information.

Just a little reminder to us all…never underestimate anyone.  Who knows what gifts, talents, or abilities are hidden just below the surface.

Autism-One Possible Outcome

If  you have a child with autism, or are connected to a child or adult with autism in any way, you may want to read this article.  Temple Grandin may not represent the probable outcome of a person with autism, but she does represent one of the possible outcomes…and in my opinion, it’s pretty damn awesome!

Today @ Colorado State University – Temple Grandin named to Colorado Women’s Hall of Fame.

Next Steps

This was a very interesting week for me.  Both of my kids graduated within days of each other.  While this in and of itself is a big deal…the fact of the matter is…for most moms it’s not THAT big a deal.  That is unless one of the graduates has autism.  Now, I don’t want to sound like like I’m discounting my younger son’s accomplishment.  He’s talented, friendly, highly intelligent, and highly un-inspired.  He was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago and chose not to take meds.  He tried them for awhile, and hated the way they made him feel.  So, getting thru middle school was a huge challenge for him and truth-be-told…I wondered if he’d even make it.  His dad and I rewarded, punished, cajoled, begged, reasoned and finally settled on reminding my son that this is his life.  The state requires him to go to school until a certain age and he can  fight all he wants…eventually, he’ll have to do the work.  In the end, he did the minimal amount of work required to pass…and while he and I watched so many of friends make honor roll and get accepted to specialized high schools or programs…my son and I learned to accept that he is who is….I’m really happy about that.

In the middle of  this, my oldest was navigating high school.  Not an easy feat for most teenagers, extremely difficult for one who has autism.  Let me tell you, high school, puberty, and autism combined is hard.  Really hard…for the child, the parents, and the siblings.  We were lucky tho.  My son was in a special program for kids on the spectrum and it helped him a lot.  New Jersey…specifically the school system we’ve been in has some wonderful programs for kids on the spectrum.  The problem is what happens when school is over?  He’s not low functioning enough for a group home, yet not high enough functioning to go to college and get a typical job.  He’s got issues with hygiene, he angers easily,  he has social issues, he doesn’t read or write very well…he’s sort of stuck in a special needs no-mans land.  I have to admit, I’m worried about his future.  It’s very uncertain…and the thought that my youngest son may have to take over when their dad and I are gone upsets me greatly.  I don’t want him to have that burden….and even tho I love my son deeply, taking care of him can feel like a burden at times.

So we’re about to take the next steps and embark on a new adventure.  It’s time to learn how to navigate a new land.  Like I said, I’m scared and worried… things won’t always be simple and but with a lot of patience and love, I know that somehow it will be okay….for the boys and for me.

 

Long Time No Blog

Image via Wikipedia

It seems like forever since I last wrote a blog.  I don’t really like to write just to hear myself speak and frankly with all the writing I’ve been doing for the ezines, I haven’t had a whole lot to say.

I did survive my week alone…it was so much easier than I anticipated.  I learned that while I prefer sharing my space with David, I’m okay with being on my own too.  There have been a lot of ups and downs in the past month as is the case with all of us.  Being in the business of Spiritual Counseling and Healing does not make me immune to life and the energies surrounding us at this time.

I often talk about how much I love Reiki, especially when it comes to kids on the autistic spectrum.   My older son has been doing very well lately.  Very few angry flare-ups…and when they do happen, they are over almost as quickly as they started.  That was the case until I wrote an article where I specifically mentioned the same thing.  Literally, the following day, he had an episode that while it wasn’t his worst, it was pretty high up on the scale.  Of course this happened on a day where I, too, was being severely challenged.

Let me tell you something.  When an 18 year old young man is out of control, it’s scary.  Trusting that I could shift gears, let go of my own heartache and challenges, and get into the space where I could channel Reiki energy is scary. However, that is exactly what I did.  I sat on the ground next to my son, called in the energy and sent it to him.  I separated my ego from my non-ego self and allowed each to do its job.  Ego was “in charge” of watching my son, and being careful not to touch him.  Non-ego allowed the energy to flow through me and into him.  The change was almost immediate.  Even though I KNOW what Reiki is capable of, sometimes its effects still astound me.  It was a wonderful reminder that even though I (in my ego form) wasn’t sure if I could help my son, the energy always knows where to go and what is best.  I’m also finding that more and more often, sending Reiki (distance or remote healing) is at least as effective, and oftentimes more effective, as hands on.  Most important is that when I feared not being able to get into a space where Reiki would work, I should have applied this particular Reiki Precept:

Just for today, do not worry…..

That about says it all, doesn’t it?

Finding My Way……Again

Many of you who read my blog know I’m a healer.  You know I have two children, one who has autism and another who has ADHD.  You also know that I’ve discovered I have a gift for working with kids who have special needs.  However, I’m now also discovering that I have a knack for helping kids who we label as crystal children.  These are the children who are sensitive to the energies surrounding them…many of them get mislabeled as “difficult” or “problem” children.  However, when I see these kids, I see them as being overly empathic, sympathetic, and overwhelmed by energy.  Lately, I’ve been doing tons of distance healing on kids for varying reasons.  Sometimes their parents call and ask for help, and in the case of some teens, they themselves call and ask for help.  It seems that I’m able to help these children and teens understand that there is nothing wrong with them….that they just haven’t yet developed the tools they need in order deal with being a “crystal” child.  They see that I understand what they are going through since I had similar experiences when I was young.  They trust that I’m not going to judge them.  It’s deeply humbling.  It’s also eye opening.  You see, when I started my practice, my desire was to help adults rediscover miracles.  I always knew that kids with special needs would be a part of my work, but always assumed (ha ha) that my main work would be with adults.  It looks like all that is changing.  I have to admit, it’s scary.  I barely made it through childhood and adolescence and these kids look up to me?   Although, I do have to admit, it would be nice if my kids saw me as these kids do.  Then again, my 18 year old doesn’t hesitate to ask for reiki.  My 13 year old is another story, but I sneak it in when I can.

So now I’m left wondering…..do I reinvent my website and gear it more to these sensitive children?  Is there something I need to be doing in order to get my message out there?  What exactly is my message?  Also, the world we live in requires money in order to live.  When the kids call, I can’t say no….but kids don’t have money.  How much time and energy can I give to the kids and still pay my bills?  Interesting how something so simple as sending various healing energies to children and teens can put me in a position of needing to find my way again.

The Road To Choice

We’ve all done it.  We all do it.  We resist what we know without a doubt is in our best interest.  We resist what we know in the end will make our lives easier, simpler, more enjoyable.  There are times in our lives when we know that in order to reach our desired goal, the most direct way is to do our homework, but we fight it every step of the way like kids do on those first days of spring when all they want to do is go outside and play.

Why do we this to ourselves?  I’m questioning that right now as I stare at case studies, book reports, and other papers that I must complete in order to get my Reiki Teacher Certification.  I’ve been working toward this goal for a few years now.  I completed all the requirements to become a Reiki Master, however, if I want to be able to teach other parents of autistic or special needs kids how to give their children Reiki, then I need the Teacher Certification.  This is the path I was shown and this is the path I chose to follow.  Then why I am resisting the final steps?  Why do you resist?  Here is one of my favorite excuses.   I don’t like writing papers.   I make new excuses  as I go along….and now, I’m at the point where if I don’t get it done, then all my work is for naught.

Now, anyone who knows me, knows that I’m also a thetahealing practitioner.  Thetahealing involves a process called digging.  Digging is a specific method that helps us dig down to our bottom or core belief about ourselves or a situation.  I have the tools at my fingertips to dig down, find out why I’m resisting, release it, and replace it with a belief that serves my highest good.  Yet, I’m resisting that too.

I believe that when we choose to resist, it’s out of fear, we feel we have no choice, or both.  To be honest, I know it’s both…but even that’s an excuse.  I am afraid.  I’m afraid I may not be a good enough teacher, or that I won’t get students, or I’ll get so many students I won’t have a personal life anymore…on and on.  I pretend I don’t have a choice, but I do.  This is the path that was presented to me, it doesn’t mean I have to follow it.  I also could have chosen to study with other Reiki Master Teachers who do not have such heavy requirements.  I chose not to because this is way that “felt” right to me.  Again, I could go on and on.  We always have choices.  If we chose a desired outcome…we’re making a choice.  Within that choice are the ways that will get us to our desired outcome.  Some are easier than others….some feel right, others don’t.  The choice is still ours.

The next time you’re facing your own resistance or are in a situation where you feel like “you have no choice”, step back and view the situation as an outsider.  You’ll see resistance in and of itself is a choice. The desired goal or outcome is a choice.  Fear can even be  a choice.  Another important thing to remember is that just because you don’t like the choices in front of you, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have a choice.  Not choosing, is also a choice.  It’s choosing not to choose.  At the very least, we have a choice in how we react to situations.

When you’re able to recognize that you always have a choice, you’ll begin to feel more empowered.  More like the creative force behind your life that you are.  Every single choice we make is an act of creation within our lives.  Wouldn’t you rather experience your life feeling empowered as opposed to a victim?  I know I would.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m choosing to complete my work so that I can achieve my desired outcome of being a Reiki Master Instructor.

Failed Dreams Or New Directions?

When I envisioned getting married and having kids years ago, I thought in terms of fairy tales.  I didn’t have the easiest childhood when it came to my emotional and social life, but I did have a roof over my head, shoes on my feet, food in my belly, and parents who loved me.  With that said, my parents did the best they knew how, but I encountered a lot that they didn’t know how to deal with.  So, Prince Charming riding up on his white horse to take me to live in his castle in the clouds held a strong appeal.

My vision of  two perfect , well adjusted little boys, who excelled at sports, had tons of friends, got all A’s, and received full scholarships to Ivy League Schools turned into one boy on the autistic  spectrum and another who cares so much about other people, at times it can be to his detriment.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my kids to death.  My dreams were for them, not for me.  I wanted them to have the life that I always imagined, but reality came knocking at our door, hard.

My oldest is on the spectrum.  I knew from a very young age, with every fiber of my being that he wasn’t developing as per the norm.  However, this was way before the internet was available, and he was just typical enough to the naked eye, that the doctors were able to say “He’s a boy.  Sometimes boys develop slower than girls.” Though I do have to admit that when he wasn’t completely potty trained by age five, it did cause a few raised eyebrows.  Finally, a combination of mother’s intuition and journaling his behaviors were enough to get the doctors moving.  He wasn’t officially diagnosed until he was 6 years old.

My youngest son was born after my then husband and I worked through some marital issues.  Raising a special needs child, especially one without a diagnosis can be taxing on a marriage.  The fact that my son needed to be on an extremely regimented schedule in order to stay calm often resulted in arguments.  One side viewed the schedule as an inconvenience and a result of too strict parenting, and the other viewed it as survival.  The diagnosis helped put an end to that disagreement.

My second son is 5 ½ years younger than his brother.  Watching him has brought so much joy and sorrow.  We see how much our older guy missed out on by not being “typical”.  My youngest reached each of his milestones according to the “norm” and was the cause of celebration.   When a child who has special needs reaches a milestone, it brings a different kind of joy.  You’ve watched him work so hard to get there and you weren’t sure he would.  Things that are natural for other kids aren’t natural for him.  Watching my typical child reach his developmental milestones brings almost a sense of relief.  Relief for me that he doesn’t have to struggle the way his brother did, and a feeling of relief for him for the same reason.

As the years progress, more challenges arise.  Every challenge my older son endures affects my younger son.  Puberty was horrible.  Terrible bouts of anger, depression, threats of suicide and more were the norm.  Through it all, the boys dad and I had to find a way to keep some kind of balance and normalcy in the household.  My older child would try to hurt himself, his brother, or us.  My younger child would be so scared and we would have to split up in order to deal with situations.  Things usually ended up where I would take care of the older child and their father would try and comfort the younger.  It’s made even worse by that fact that the younger of the two is so empathic, compassionate, and intuitive.

I’ve said it before, but I can’t stress enough that learning Reiki and actually utilizing it in the moment has done wonders in helping our family through these situations.  It’s an added tool when medications and therapies don’t work…or even when they do.

The kids’ dad and I did eventually split up, partially due to the stresses of raising our kids along with the everyday trials like money, extended family etc.  However, we continue to co-parent very well and actually get along better now.  We were able to create a situation where most holidays are spent together and while our kids may not love that we don’t live together anymore, they’ve adapted.  They still live in their house, go the same schools, and have the same friends.

Believe it or not, I credit thetahealing with some of that.  The boys’ dad is a good and decent man, but splitting up can trigger behaviors we don’t know exist.  I worked on many of my belief systems to help the separation move forward with ease and grace.

So, I didn’t get my castle in the clouds, my kids don’t live the “charmed” life, but we do okay.  Being able to let go of how we think things “should” be and learning to go with the flow can make all the difference in how we view our lives.  It can make the difference between being happy and being angry.  Sometimes, in order to be happy, one has to surrender to the situation, and try a different course….like it or not.  If your comfort zone is not a place where happiness lives, moving out of it may bring you closer to place where it does.

By the way, my 18 year old just took his girlfriend to Prom and had a wonderful time.  Something we never believed possible, and my 13 year old is a whiz at the computer and fantastic musician….in spite of all the challenges being the sibling of an autistic child.

Blessings as you navigate your path to happiness and well-being.

Temple Grandin Speaks At TED

Check out this amazing, thought provoking, enlightening video of Temple Grandin as she speaks at TED.  (Feb 2010)  She is absolutely inspiring whether your life has been touched by autism or not.

A Boy, A Girl, and Autism

My 18 year old son, who is on the autistic spectrum, has a girlfriend.  This brings me great joy but and tons of trepidation.  They’ve been going together for a while and he’s happy.  She too has special needs, but is not autistic.  I don’t know about you, but it’s been my experience that a lot of kids on the spectrum don’t have the patience for other kids on the spectrum.  The behaviors that label them as autistic are the exact behaviors that the kids have difficulty handling themselves.

Like I said, my son is happy right now, but I have to wonder just how healthy the relationship is.  When my son finds something he’s interested in, he hyper-focuses and obsesses.   Ask him about snakes, insects, fighter jets, or helicopters and he’ll provide you with a detailed dissertation the likes of which will cross your eyes.  Needless to say, when he says things like “my girlfriend is the only thing that’s important to me”, I know he means it, and I worry.

I practice the healing arts and have seen profound improvement in children’s behavior simply by giving them Reiki.  I’ve spoken before specifically about Reiki and how much it’s helped improved my son’s quality of life and the quality of life for other kids on the spectrum.  I have to admit, that this situation had me at a complete loss.  How could I use Reiki to help bring balance to my son’s view of this the relationship?   The answer was in the question.   The key element of Reiki is that it helps create balance in the body, mind, and spirit.  However, we live in a practical world and I knew that a few additional Reiki sessions weren’t going to “solve the problem”.

What I realized was that I could give him Reiki before trying to discuss and explain why it’s so important to focus on other relationships too.  Previous talks have led to the single-mindedness that only a child on the spectrum can have.  By sending him Reiki first, we’re able to enter into the conversation with both us of coming from a calmer and more balanced place.  I’m not going to say the situation has cleared up, but there’s been definite improvement.

The thing is, I’m so used to sending him Reiki, that the minute I hear the anxiety in his voice, I automatically.  Yesterday he called me because he’s worried about going to Prom.  He’s never been to one before and he was concerned about “not knowing what to do”.  I immediately started the Reiki energy and talked to him about Prom.  His entire demeanor changed within minutes.   The funny thing is, he caught on.  He knew I was sending the energy and called me on it…..then thanked me because it calmed him down.

There are practitioners out there who say Reiki is not magic and on the practical level, they ‘re right.   As for me, I’m constantly having magical experiences because of Reiki.  I guess it depends on what your definition of magic is.  When a child’s demeanor changes for the better within minutes of starting Reiki, I call that magic.